Life

 A sheath of hopelessness hugged me little  tight 

It was starting to choke me out Struggling to know why and why 

I kept riding into the darkness just right 

The scent of sadness stayed on still

Seldom did I know how I felt so ill  

Crippling and crawling I continued to move 

Not knowing what awaited in the grove 

Longer stayed the nights, not paving its way into light 

My legs weighed heavier and heavier 

Falling back on my knees and smelling rotten leaves 

I laid still  letting go of my will.

Woken up by an urge , 

Blissfully embracing the hallowing darkness 

Slowly staring to sense the entrancing happiness 

I shut my eyes to see the world shine bright 

Fancying to return to a glorious life 

Of wanting to only see me alright 

I slipped away into  dream of being complete.

Life is a game changer 

Fast forward into 2019

I’m a mother to two wonderful kids 

My 4.5 year old son and my 1.5 year old daughter and then it all had to come collapsing on me 

For me the whole game changed wen I started suspecting him of autism 

Dang!!!

Autism 

A wide spectrum with no treatment available except for a set of therapies available so far 

I just don’t even know why would anyone want to read about anything that’s happening in my already unhappening life and then I saw this site 

My posts are sleeping since few years anyway 

Hence here I go 

Autism is just the beginning of the tip of an iceberg and it’s not a bed full of roses 

                   

A DAY

    Liza sat on a low lying couch left unnoticed at a corner of the room with her legs crossed and combing her wavy hair slowly sipping a bottle of water. She really did not have much reasons o n to why exactly she had an attachment to that corner and in fact that couch; it saw all of her emotions, mostly sadness. It is a Tuesday, for the second time she regretted having come home for holidays. A heap of crushed papers lied nearby, unwrapping it and reading a few of them, she sadly noticed that all of it conveyed the same message however..... A creepy feeling of disappointment slowly paved into her pavilion of comfort and it started to make her feel like a looser within a nick of time.

                     For a moment or so Liza sat emotionless tied between long chains of thoughts. She had always remained clueless of it. Many at times she felt strangled down by her own emotions. Liza looked at the ecstasy pill she consumed a while back. She knew why; already stating to trip down with a blurred vision of anything even in the nearby vicinity, she cold sense tears rolling down her cheeks. Sleep was starting to gently cover her with a heavy sheath of darkness and that is where she wanted to hide in...    

Hours slowly scrolled by......

                Things started seeming more visible now, still she felt dizzy and uneasy. She could recollect every bit of it that happened. Having woken up listening to her Dad’s raised voice for her having not woken up on time she starts off any day with a gloomy face regretting for some reason or the other. Liza is at home for holidays and always wondered what exactly she should be doing after waking up early in the morning. Her dad and brother would leave and wouldn’t turn up before dusk. And for her mom, she lived in kitchen brooding over the utensils, cleaning and re cleaning she always seemed like a human robot to her something like a terminator. It was solitude that would prevail within the home after that; it was all weird. Her age to enjoy being alone home had already crossed by and thus she would sit rotting at home reading, watching T.V, sleeping and eating for hours and hours to follow.

By the final hours of eve, dad and bro would get back home only to discuss about their business works. Why don’t they even give it a shot at asking her on how her day went or anything of that sort. Is it because she is so un relevant in their busy posh life; tired of waiting and hoping hat they would finally have some time for her and everything of their business talks sounding Greek and Latin to her, Liza slowly withdrew to her room done with complaining her Mom, finding refuge in a pill that would present her unending happiness and extreme pain at the same time. Rarely did she wonder on the fact that her dad and bro considered her as a human being on the least. Helpless Mom always had the same answer of justification.”We live and work for your benefit”. Then a evil smile would come over her dark patched lips, for how long Mom?..............

Liza is into her mid twenties born into a business family she had this urge to be a writer. Her world always remained small with books, music and a hand full of friends. She loved to travel and breathed words. To be one writer; she was not even sure on whether she had learned the magic of words till date yet there was this fire within..... What Liza knew was that her game of life wouldn’t go for long. Midst of her busy parents leading a faded life she was one among the many girls leading city life hers being an extreme case that aroused of extreme loneliness and abandonment. Her daily routine demanding a minimum of five packets of cigarettes, few pills and a couple of joints it was really hard for her to justify her parents act of being busy .All they wanted was a daughter who would ultimately end up in upgrading their social status by fetching a white collar job with a five digit salary per month. She knew her wings were cut off and those buds of fragrance were nipped off even before it bloomed. As they believed creative people are not going to be great people. Now Liza reads or scribbles down seldom. For her it’s all over. She rechecks the blood report that clearly states her condition that was in to the second level. Doctor’s words still echoing on to ears, she still doesn’t regret it for being a blood cancer patient and tries to stomach her parents definition of life. A day was starting to fade over giving birth to the next cutting off few hours of her life.    

A walk down the memory lane

A walk down the memory lane

At her flat in Nottingham, Eva is truly restless trying to sort out the list of things necessary to fix the set of her new movie. She is an Art director working for Mr. Wills, one of the most happening and perfect directors of the industry. It’s like a dream coming true for her, and It being the final date of submission, she has no much clue on what to do or how to do. Susan could feel some sort of uneasy feeling slowly creeping in to her pavilion of comfort. It’s been the third day of restlessness and still she did not accept the fact that she is actually starting to feel tired.

Unspoken words

Emma could still recollect the first day she saw her sister; it was after a long time. When the cell opened, she saw a figure resembling that of a human being with pale face, parched lips, sunken eyes and protruding check bones. Emma couldn’t convince herself that; this lean figure trying her best to give a smile is her own sister. “Eve is here in the rehabilitation centre for the past few months”, said the doctor in charge. We were always disturbed regarding her responsibity. “Where were you all this time? What made you come back now, huh!? Maybe you simply wanted to know whether she is dead or alive, ain’t you? The sarcasm in his tone made her cry……tears started rolling down her cheeks. Doctor …she couldn’t complete; Drugs have ruined her physically as well as mentally. She is also suffering from ‘SuicidalMania’. I have no words to explain how we saved her life last time. That was definitely a miracle. I strongly feel that your presence would help her 

improve

THE BLAMELESS FATE

Alarm started buzzing right on to her ears; it is 11:30 in the night. Mabel had to force herself out of the bed, half an hour to go; 27th October is Sasha’s birthday. Mabel has to prepare her favorite chocolate cake and gift wrap the ‘E’ series mobile which she has got for Sasha .She had been following this particular routine for the past 14 years, Sasha will turn 15 today. Seldom does Mabel remember that she is getting old, only when she cares to watch her wrinkled skin and the grey lock of hair. Now she is finding it difficult to run through her daily routine like how she did it a few years before. She knew that by now, her body is being tied by the heavy chains of tiredness; it kept on pulling her back. Mabel started expecting her gentle friend ‘death’ at any time. She felt that her life would be complete only when she reveals that truth to Sasha, about her identity and her parents. Mabel rushes to get everything ready and decides to take rest till it turns 12:00.It is then she spots an album kept on the top of the dining table.